Vindicated

[ostarella]

I left a writing forum over one major issue - the idea of being respectful when giving critiques. It was, basically, the straw that broke the camel's back. My contention (as a beta for several years) that there was absolutely no reason to get nasty or arrogant when giving a critique (and let's be sure to distinguish between a critique and a review). For that, I was labeled (along with anyone else who might hold the same opinion) a 'speshful flower'. (My own betas know that's so far removed from the truth it's laughable. Loudly laughable.) Now, I knew there were others who felt the same way (and who posted thusly in that discussion), but in a recent look-see at another forum, I discovered I was not the only one who left Forum A because of this attitude. Quite a number were so dismayed at the attitude of the other forum they not only left, they wanted to warn others about it.

Now, this is not to say that, after working with someone for some time, one has to be as tactful. With those who really want the honest feedback, it's easy to start jokingly 'bashing' something ("You didn't really write that, did you? :D") or getting more firm ("You need to correct this [continual problem] in future postings or I just can't work on it any more."). Then there are others who just want you to gush over their golden words - and after a point, it's difficult to remain polite, much less tactful. (I told one person sometimes it takes getting hit with a pile of bricks for it to sink in.) But again, this is after you've worked together and gotten to know each other. You don't do those sorts of things on a first post (or even the first couple of posts), or [especially] when the writer is new and genuinely seeking help.

It just is beyond me why writers, of all people, can't seem to figure out how to word a critique without getting arrogant, nasty, or snarky. I mean, that's what we do - use words and phrases to communicate effectively.  So I was left wondering who the 'speshful flowers' really were - those asking for help or those deigning to respond.

So anyway - glad I left one, even gladder (is that a word? lol) that I found the other.

[I'm deliberately not mentioning either forum because I don't want to provoke any snarkiness between the two - anyone interested can pm me. One for a warning and the other for a recommendation.]

Comments

[ostarella.livejournal.com]

Lousy_fic is a good example of the difference between a critique and a review. On LF, it's reviews. Nobody asked our opinion or for help and that's not what it's for. But that's a very good point about editors - that's the sort of thing these "I'm brutally honest" people should consider.