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Yesterday was my 54th birthday. I took the day off from guilt. I took a long hot shower, lay wrapped in a blanket watching movies, did some writing, and didn't allow myself to think about the dishes I hadn't washed, or the dusting I hadn't done, or the fact that I still haven't taken down the Christmas tree. (I kinda like having its lights on while the rest of the house is dark at night.)
And I wrote up my funeral arrangements.
Not as morbid a thing to do on one's birthday as it would seem. I've always looked at my birthday as basically my New Year's Day. The day I sit back and reflect on what I've done, what I didn't. Think about the things I should have done and then move on, dismissing regrets and making plans.
And one of those things I should have done is make plans for my demise. Considering the health issues over the last few months, it was the sensible, practical and caring thing to do. Save my family the headaches and stress we went through when my parents died.
So I now have life insurance selected to pay off any debts (and the costs of getting rid of my body) and my wishes are all written down - the funeral home I want to handle things, the cremation, the memorial service, where to scatter my ashes. Even the music and the kinds of flowers I want. Tells my family where my important papers are, who to contact. The only thing I got stuck on was who to ask to give the eulogy. I guess because I'm not even sure I want one. I'm not really having a "funeral" as such. I think I want it to be more of a kaffee-klatsch. Of course, considering the relationship I have with my ever-shrinking family, and that most of my friends are scattered over the four corners of the earth, a "standard" funeral would probably be overkill anyway. But it's said that funerals are for the living, not the dead, so there needs to be something, I guess.
Another idea is to give my own eulogy via DVD. Of course, that wouldn't really be a eulogy as much as my "last words" to my family. And I kinda like that idea. A chance to say all the sappy things I'd never say in "real life", even though I've wanted to. But we're of solid, stoic Norwegian/German/Scots stock, so displays of emotion are... well, discouraged. I guess that's another good reason for funerals. It gives people the "excuse" to let it all hang out.
So anyway, I feel better having that accomplished. I took my time, thought about things, changed my mind and then thought some more. At least now it's done and I can send a copy to my brother and my son, so they'll know in advance what to do. No surprises, no stressing over the necessities.
Peace of mind. That's nice.
And I wrote up my funeral arrangements.
Not as morbid a thing to do on one's birthday as it would seem. I've always looked at my birthday as basically my New Year's Day. The day I sit back and reflect on what I've done, what I didn't. Think about the things I should have done and then move on, dismissing regrets and making plans.
And one of those things I should have done is make plans for my demise. Considering the health issues over the last few months, it was the sensible, practical and caring thing to do. Save my family the headaches and stress we went through when my parents died.
So I now have life insurance selected to pay off any debts (and the costs of getting rid of my body) and my wishes are all written down - the funeral home I want to handle things, the cremation, the memorial service, where to scatter my ashes. Even the music and the kinds of flowers I want. Tells my family where my important papers are, who to contact. The only thing I got stuck on was who to ask to give the eulogy. I guess because I'm not even sure I want one. I'm not really having a "funeral" as such. I think I want it to be more of a kaffee-klatsch. Of course, considering the relationship I have with my ever-shrinking family, and that most of my friends are scattered over the four corners of the earth, a "standard" funeral would probably be overkill anyway. But it's said that funerals are for the living, not the dead, so there needs to be something, I guess.
Another idea is to give my own eulogy via DVD. Of course, that wouldn't really be a eulogy as much as my "last words" to my family. And I kinda like that idea. A chance to say all the sappy things I'd never say in "real life", even though I've wanted to. But we're of solid, stoic Norwegian/German/Scots stock, so displays of emotion are... well, discouraged. I guess that's another good reason for funerals. It gives people the "excuse" to let it all hang out.
So anyway, I feel better having that accomplished. I took my time, thought about things, changed my mind and then thought some more. At least now it's done and I can send a copy to my brother and my son, so they'll know in advance what to do. No surprises, no stressing over the necessities.
Peace of mind. That's nice.
