ostarella: (NaNo)
I'm beginning to think I'm not "built" for NaNo's writing style. I have been trying to continue with my story, but I keep going back to the first part I wrote and wanting to toss it and start over. I can't just write and keep going. I'm a "fiddler". And I think I've just been writing that way for so long... it drives me nuts knowing that what I've already written isn't going to work with the rest of the story. And I know - it all gets edited afterwards, but I find myself thinking, well, what a waste of time to write it to begin with then. No offense to JFM or all the other writers who can do that - JFM obviously has got that "method" down pat. ;-) But I just don't function that way. I think part of it is the idea of looking at the 50K words as one big chunk of crap to be reworked, instead of doing that "rework" as I go. Already I've changed my mind as to what I want from the story at least four times - and the damn beginning only works with one of those, and then not that well.

So I guess I'm going to drop out - it's not as if I *can't* write a long story, after all.  ;-)  But I have too many other irons in the fire right now, not the least of which is "Covenant", and "Tess", and a shitload of "homefire" issues to attend to. Trying to write in a way that's completely foreign and frustrating to me just makes me not want to write at all - and I don't want to spoil the "fun".

I know the above just sounds like a load of excuses, but I feel much less frustrated and tense just having decided. That in itself tells me I'm making the right choice. "Hard" is one thing - "stress inducing" is another. ;-)

May 2018

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