OMG - Three great articles this month!
May. 31st, 2009 08:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ostarellaFrom Fiction Factor http://www.fictionfactor.com/
Article #1 - Adding Character Depth Through Perception
by Lee Masterson
How do you describe your character's physical appearance? It's not always easy to describing your characters without resorting to the cliched "She looked in the mirror and saw..."
Likewise, setting the scene for each part of your story is an important element of building your fictional world. In fact, some authors go to great lengths to describe the weather patterns, the scenery and the passing traffic in detail so that the reader has a sense of the world around the characters.
This kind of descriptive narrative can sometimes be long and cumbersome. It can also bog down the pace of your story if not done right - especially when all the experts are saying Show - don't tell!
Many authors are careful to explain exactly what is going on in their fictional worlds. What people look like, what objects around them look like, what characters are thinking about, how the weather is behaving, the precise color of an object, what characters are seeing around them... This means the author is telling the reader what to see.
But not many authors actually take the time to write HOW their characters are seeing the things that are going on around them. This is where the author should be showing the reader what's happening. Your own characters are a perfect tool to use when you need to show events or appearances or even moods.
Let me explain...
Every person on the planet sees life through their own personal perceptions. How they choose to interpret those perceptions is largely up to that person and can be affected by a multitude of factors.
These differing perceptions are what make us unique as human beings. What excites one person may repel another. What one person sees as attractive, another may find repulsive. What one character yearns for may send another character into panic attacks.
For example: A sunny day might brighten the mood of one character and seriously frighten a person with a phobia of skin cancer. The same sunny day would therefore have a completely different effect on the latter character and would skew many of his other perceptions, too.
The same is true for personal relationship preferences. Some people are attracted to curvaceous women, while others are repelled by them. Still others prefer the gorgeous occidental features of Asian people while others veer toward the svelte, slinky blonde types.
Because we all have such different tastes and opinions, these perceptions of what we find appealing and unappealing will color your descriptions of those things.
Remembering to use these differences in character perspective can add depth to your characters by showing your readers much about their personalities - all without actually using narrative to TELL your readers what's going on.
Show, Don't Tell
So how does a writer show things happening, or describe another character, without resorting to large chunks of descriptive narrative AND remember to add the unique perspective of the character at the same time?
The simple answer is: Dialogue.
When your characters talk to each other, you should be using the opportunity to express much more than simply words. Dialogue can propel your plotline, it can highlight the importance of conflicts, it can show character perspective and it can show the reader many other things - all at once.
"I hate this miserable rain. All I can do is sit around and mope in the house until it stops," Fred said.
"If we run, we can get to the stream and catch some frogs. The rain always brings out the frogs!" Jack called.
In just two sentences within the dialogue tags, I have (hopefully) conveyed something about the weather, given a sense of the character's mood, described what the character is doing, and given each character a unique perspective on what is happening.
Both characters are viewing the rain in a completely different way - and neither of the above examples required lengthy blocks of narrative to achieve the same effect.
Describing Physical Traits
"Jane tossed her long golden tresses over her shoulder to flow down her slender back. Running the tip of her tongue over wide, full lips, her emerald green eyes glinted with a hint of promise to come and she crossed her long, supple legs slowly."
"John ran a perfectly manicured hand through his raven black hair, his sparkling blue eyes taking in every inch of her..."
Have you ever read a book in which the characters are described in unwieldy chunks of narrative as though they were no more than cardboard cut-outs of a Barbie and Ken promotional poster?
In over-exaggerated examples like the ones above, it is obvious that the 'narrator' has stopped the story and interrupted you - the reader! - to remind you how fabulous the author wants you to think these people look.
The problem with this approach is the author has forgotten that all readers have different opinions on what's attractive. More importantly, her characters should be the ones voicing their thoughts and preferences.
So is it necessary to include these bland descriptions in your narrative at all?
Recently I read a lengthy book (1,050 pages). The book was very detailed, the scope was sweeping and the cast was huge. Yet nowhere in the entire book did the author mention what any of the characters looked like during his narrative. He only ever offered his character's perceptions of other characters. I actually read the book twice to check how the author achieved this effect.
I found this method to be extremely effective. It showed me each character's viewpoint as a distinct and separate perception. Each person saw different qualities in the people they interacted with, so the physical traits altered to suit those perceptions with each description. He did the same thing with certain furnishings, scenery, weather patterns and moods. Every description in the book came from another character commenting on it in some way that was relevant to the story.
Indirect Description
Several times throughout the book the author made references to certain features to identify who people were talking about. For example, the main character had a scar running along the left side of his face. The reader only knows this because we saw it through another character's eyes during the dialogue - and not in a narrative description.
"...I tell you, Stan, when Alec glared at me with those dead eyes, I nearly passed out with fear. I knew he was angry when hideous scar started to twitch. When it does that, the whole left side of his face contorts and you just know he's thinking he wants to cut your throat..."
And yet - a different character describes Alec this way:
...Miranda sighed and let her chin rest in the cup of her hand. "He's got those deep, dreamy blue eyes. The kind you just want to get lost in, I guess. And when he looks at me, his scar jumps - like he's trying to hold back a smile."
These two people are describing the same character - Alec. One perceives him as hard and violent. The other sees him as dreamy.
During the book a male character tried to tell Alec what a woman looked like (she was the target for an assassination).
"The target has the classic hooker look. Bleached blonde, cleavage on display for anyone to see and legs that go forever under a cheap leather mini. And a face that could break concrete. Hard as nails, she is."
That was HIS perception of the person - not the actual physical traits of the woman in question.
Nowhere in any of those descriptions did the author say "5 feet 10 inches, blonde, thin, blue eyes, full lips". His descriptions only encompassed what the person doing the describing saw through his or her own perceptions.
Describing Objects
Have you ever heard the adage "One man's trash is another man's treasure"?
Your characters should be able to view the things around them according to their own predilections and personal tastes.
Example: "Oh my! What a hideous vase. I can't believe someone would actually pay money for a monstrosity like that."
"Oh, look at that gorgeous vase! The color will match my curtains perfectly."
Adding small differences in the way your characters view the objects around them will add a sense of realism to your work and bring depth to your characters.
© Copyright Lee Masterson. All Rights Reserved.
Article #2 - Crafting Realistic Dialogue
by Bonnie Way
Dialogue is one of the hardest parts of fiction to write, because it needs to sound real while also performing its job within the story. One task given to dialogue is to reveal more about the personality of each character in the story, by showing how they talk and how they interact with other characters.
Studying examples of fictional dialogue that works can help you develop an ear for how dialogue reveals more about the characters.
Dialect
In the past, writers used phonetic representations of words to convey that a character was speaking with a dialect. However, this made the story very hard to read, because the reader had to go slowly, sounding out each word, and the effect of the dialect got lost.
A much better way to convey dialect is by word choice and order.
Passing by Samaria by Sharon Ewell Foster tells the story of a young black American woman just after World War II. Foster’s dialogue is what makes this novel happen; it is easy to hear the conversations of the black characters, who have a unique lilt that the white characters lack. Foster achieves this without using any phonetic devices.
In the first chapter of the novel, JC is on his way to war and tells his best friend Alena, “You visit my mamma... She’s gonna be lonely for me. She might try to act like she all right, but she gonna be lonely.”
Later he boasts, “This’ll be the war to end all wars. Once we able to prove ourselves, prove the coloured man, the Race, is willing to fight and die for our country, I know things gone change.”
Read those sentences out loud to get the full value of what Foster does with the dialogue. Then look at how the grammar creates the dialect (e.g.., “she all right” instead of “she’s all right,” “things gone change” instead of “things are going to change”).
It’s very easy to picture a confident young black man saying those words. Even if we didn’t know JC’s background, we’d be able to guess it from the way that he talks.
Banter
Everyday conversations contain a lot of useless information, chit chat, and banter that is often meaningless. In fiction, however, that same banter can convey information about our characters and their relationship.
In Robert Whitlow’s legal thriller Higher Hope, the banter between two law students shows the differences in their values and beliefs:
“’Tami prays before she eats,’ Julie said. ‘I told her if she stayed away from pork and shellfish, the blessing is automatic..’
“’Is the pastrami on your sandwich pork-free?’ I asked.
“’Go ahead and pray,’ Julie said.”
From the girl’s banter, we see that Julie is a rather modern, independent woman while Tami is a very conservative Christian. However, we also see that they like each other and enjoy working together, despite their differences. The banter also helps lighten up otherwise serious scenes.
Be wary of using banter for its own sake, however. Whitlow’s exchanges of banter are short and to the point, keeping the story moving forward. It feels like real dialogue, where two people exchange a few verbal spars in the middle of a conversation and then keep talking about whatever had started the conversation.
In Higher Hope, the banter shows how the two law students are able to think quickly on their feet and jab at each other.. Banter could also be used to show how one character is shy or introspective and doesn’t respond to the verbal jibes of another character.
On the more negative side, banter can become verbal abuse if it is very sarcastic or biting.
Attitude
Many writers fall into the trap of using adverb tags, such as “he said gently” or “she said lovingly.” That breaks the writer’s number one rule of “show don’t tell.” It’s much more powerful if the words used by the characters convey those emotions and show their attitudes towards each other.
Rather than saying that a character is belligerent or courteous or snobby, show this through the words that each character uses.
In Betty Jane Hegerat’s novel Running Toward Home, a foster mother and a birth mother are sitting in a car talking about their son. Tina, the birth mother, begins the conversation by asking, “’So, where do you think he is?’
“Wilma’s eyes narrowed. ‘Until we got your phone message, we thought he was with you. Where he’s supposed to be.’
“’Yeah, well he was sick. He shouldn’t have been out at all. I made him phone and tell you to pick him up.’ . . .
“Wilma shook her head. ‘There were no calls from Corey. Not while we were home, and not on the answering machine.’
“What a surprise. Tina raised her arms to lift the hair off the back of her neck. The car was stifling. ‘Well then I guess he lied, didn’t he? How long have you been here?’
“’Only a few minutes,’ Wilma said. ‘I thought this would be a good place to start. Close to the tiger. Corey told me he likes the tigers best.’
“’Yeah, we always have to hang out with the tigers for half the lousy visit.’”
It’s obvious from the dialogue that neither woman likes the other and each is vaguely accusing the other of not giving Corey proper attention. Adding tags like “Wilma said accusingly” or “Tina said rudely” would distract from the story. The reader already knows that simply from the way each character spoke. Again, read the dialogue aloud and see how the words sound.
Good dialogue can carry a story forward, while poor dialogue bogs it down. While reading fiction, take note of places where the dialogue catches your attention and analyze why it works. How did the author reveal more about the characters through what they said?
Because dialogue is also meant to represent the spoken word, read it aloud, whether it’s your own dialogue or someone else’s. Hearing it can help you grasp how it works or where there are inconsistencies. Then use what you’ve discovered to write great dialogue in your own fiction.
And last but not least - Common Mechanical Pitfalls
by Dr. Vicki Hinze
When asked, a group of editors from top publishing houses, responded that the following are the most often seen mechanical errors in works submitted by authors.
By removing these errors from our works, we greatly enhance our potential for publication—and strengthen our writing skills.
* Author Intrusion, Filtering, Passive Voice.
Use the active voice in writing. Avoid weak verbs: "to be" and its variants: was, are, is. This puts the reader on-scene, makes what’s happening, happen now. Author intrusion reminds the reader she’s reading, hence you lose immediacy, empathy between reader/character.
Show, don’t tell applies. Watchwords: thought, wondered, considered, realized, and the like.
Example:
Filtered: She realized she’d breached the point of no return.
She had to kill him.
Unfiltered, no intrusion: The point of no return. She had to kill him.
* Autonomous Body Parts.
Parts of a character’s body cannot act alone. The character must lift her hands, dart her gaze, tiptoe. Otherwise, the visual images created in the reader’s mind are horror. Disconnected body parts shouldn’t move without the character’s body being attached.
Example: Her eyes roamed around the room.
Corrected: She let her gaze roam around the room.
(Eyes shouldn’t roam. Use gaze. Note that she caused this roaming. In this corrected version, her eyes didn’t act autonomously or independent of her.)
* Cause before Effect, Reaction before Action, Syntax Error.
Whatever the reader reads first on the page, happens first in the readers mind. This error occurs when the reaction to something, say fear, is written down before the action causing the fear, say a hissing snake. Or when the effect is shown before the cause prompting that effect.
Watchwords are: when, as, before, during, while, until, after, and since.
To correct this error, simply flip-flop the phrases to be sure you list cause then effect, action then reaction.
* Use of names in dialogue.
When conversing, people don’t often use names. To be clear about who’s speaking, give the character a distinct voice, an outstanding feature, and use action tags. Have character do something with an object and use it to make it clear to the reader who’s talking. This writer’s tool does double duty: tags the speaker and creates an illusion of action. Body language is an extremely effective method.
Avoid: Figure, Frame, and Presence.
This editorial Pet Peeve doesn’t show up as often now as it once did.
Don’t write: He leaned his massive frame against the door.
Do write: He leaned against the door.
A point: When is the last time you saw a hunk and thought: Wow, what a nice frame?
* Separate Actions.
Keep actions separate, otherwise you risk having the character do the physically impossible. "And" can be a wicked abuser of this mechanical infraction.
Example: She called 911 and drove to the hospital.
Can she really do these two things simultaneously? Without a cell phone? More likely, she called 911 and then drove to the hospital. The actions were separate. One followed the other. They didn’t occur simultaneously.
* Keep Items in a Series Parallel.
Make sure your subjects/verbs/syntax are in agreement.
Do: Walk and chew gum.
Don’t: walk and be chewing gum.
* Ellipsis (Series of dots)
Use the ellipsis sparingly. Otherwise, when you need it, it lacks impact. Punctuate it like . . . this. Or at the end of a sentence, like this. . . .
* Unheroic Character Behavior.
Protagonists aren’t like us, they’re people we want to be like: admirable, honorable, considerate, strong, and aspiring—in their thoughts, actions, and deeds. They’re not perfect, but they are admirable. Respect your characters—even your villains. Give everyone a redeeming quality, and make them strong. Anchoring Scenes.
Show the readers where the scene is taking place, where the characters are and what they’re doing. Specific, concrete details immerse the reader. Without them, reader can’t visualize. Use the senses, and use details that are indicative of the characters’ mood at the moment. Write cinematically: using words that form distinct and vivid pictures in the reader’s mind that convey his/her emotional mood at that time. Intensity.
When in intense situations, characters don’t think deeply. They think in short spurts. In fragments. Readers read faster, which imparts a sense of urgency, hence intensity. Point of View.
Today’s trend is third person, multiple viewpoint. That is, a single viewpoint which at specific intervals transitions to a different character. Some experts recommend one viewpoint per scene to avoid losing intensity.
Hint: use the character with the most to lose as your viewpoint character.
Eliminating these mechanical pitfalls from your work greatly enhances your writing skills and gives the editor fewer distractions during the reading. That translates to fewer reasons to reject your work.
© Copyright Vicki Hinze. All Rights Reserved
Article #1 - Adding Character Depth Through Perception
by Lee Masterson
How do you describe your character's physical appearance? It's not always easy to describing your characters without resorting to the cliched "She looked in the mirror and saw..."
Likewise, setting the scene for each part of your story is an important element of building your fictional world. In fact, some authors go to great lengths to describe the weather patterns, the scenery and the passing traffic in detail so that the reader has a sense of the world around the characters.
This kind of descriptive narrative can sometimes be long and cumbersome. It can also bog down the pace of your story if not done right - especially when all the experts are saying Show - don't tell!
Many authors are careful to explain exactly what is going on in their fictional worlds. What people look like, what objects around them look like, what characters are thinking about, how the weather is behaving, the precise color of an object, what characters are seeing around them... This means the author is telling the reader what to see.
But not many authors actually take the time to write HOW their characters are seeing the things that are going on around them. This is where the author should be showing the reader what's happening. Your own characters are a perfect tool to use when you need to show events or appearances or even moods.
Let me explain...
Every person on the planet sees life through their own personal perceptions. How they choose to interpret those perceptions is largely up to that person and can be affected by a multitude of factors.
These differing perceptions are what make us unique as human beings. What excites one person may repel another. What one person sees as attractive, another may find repulsive. What one character yearns for may send another character into panic attacks.
For example: A sunny day might brighten the mood of one character and seriously frighten a person with a phobia of skin cancer. The same sunny day would therefore have a completely different effect on the latter character and would skew many of his other perceptions, too.
The same is true for personal relationship preferences. Some people are attracted to curvaceous women, while others are repelled by them. Still others prefer the gorgeous occidental features of Asian people while others veer toward the svelte, slinky blonde types.
Because we all have such different tastes and opinions, these perceptions of what we find appealing and unappealing will color your descriptions of those things.
Remembering to use these differences in character perspective can add depth to your characters by showing your readers much about their personalities - all without actually using narrative to TELL your readers what's going on.
Show, Don't Tell
So how does a writer show things happening, or describe another character, without resorting to large chunks of descriptive narrative AND remember to add the unique perspective of the character at the same time?
The simple answer is: Dialogue.
When your characters talk to each other, you should be using the opportunity to express much more than simply words. Dialogue can propel your plotline, it can highlight the importance of conflicts, it can show character perspective and it can show the reader many other things - all at once.
"I hate this miserable rain. All I can do is sit around and mope in the house until it stops," Fred said.
"If we run, we can get to the stream and catch some frogs. The rain always brings out the frogs!" Jack called.
In just two sentences within the dialogue tags, I have (hopefully) conveyed something about the weather, given a sense of the character's mood, described what the character is doing, and given each character a unique perspective on what is happening.
Both characters are viewing the rain in a completely different way - and neither of the above examples required lengthy blocks of narrative to achieve the same effect.
Describing Physical Traits
"Jane tossed her long golden tresses over her shoulder to flow down her slender back. Running the tip of her tongue over wide, full lips, her emerald green eyes glinted with a hint of promise to come and she crossed her long, supple legs slowly."
"John ran a perfectly manicured hand through his raven black hair, his sparkling blue eyes taking in every inch of her..."
Have you ever read a book in which the characters are described in unwieldy chunks of narrative as though they were no more than cardboard cut-outs of a Barbie and Ken promotional poster?
In over-exaggerated examples like the ones above, it is obvious that the 'narrator' has stopped the story and interrupted you - the reader! - to remind you how fabulous the author wants you to think these people look.
The problem with this approach is the author has forgotten that all readers have different opinions on what's attractive. More importantly, her characters should be the ones voicing their thoughts and preferences.
So is it necessary to include these bland descriptions in your narrative at all?
Recently I read a lengthy book (1,050 pages). The book was very detailed, the scope was sweeping and the cast was huge. Yet nowhere in the entire book did the author mention what any of the characters looked like during his narrative. He only ever offered his character's perceptions of other characters. I actually read the book twice to check how the author achieved this effect.
I found this method to be extremely effective. It showed me each character's viewpoint as a distinct and separate perception. Each person saw different qualities in the people they interacted with, so the physical traits altered to suit those perceptions with each description. He did the same thing with certain furnishings, scenery, weather patterns and moods. Every description in the book came from another character commenting on it in some way that was relevant to the story.
Indirect Description
Several times throughout the book the author made references to certain features to identify who people were talking about. For example, the main character had a scar running along the left side of his face. The reader only knows this because we saw it through another character's eyes during the dialogue - and not in a narrative description.
"...I tell you, Stan, when Alec glared at me with those dead eyes, I nearly passed out with fear. I knew he was angry when hideous scar started to twitch. When it does that, the whole left side of his face contorts and you just know he's thinking he wants to cut your throat..."
And yet - a different character describes Alec this way:
...Miranda sighed and let her chin rest in the cup of her hand. "He's got those deep, dreamy blue eyes. The kind you just want to get lost in, I guess. And when he looks at me, his scar jumps - like he's trying to hold back a smile."
These two people are describing the same character - Alec. One perceives him as hard and violent. The other sees him as dreamy.
During the book a male character tried to tell Alec what a woman looked like (she was the target for an assassination).
"The target has the classic hooker look. Bleached blonde, cleavage on display for anyone to see and legs that go forever under a cheap leather mini. And a face that could break concrete. Hard as nails, she is."
That was HIS perception of the person - not the actual physical traits of the woman in question.
Nowhere in any of those descriptions did the author say "5 feet 10 inches, blonde, thin, blue eyes, full lips". His descriptions only encompassed what the person doing the describing saw through his or her own perceptions.
Describing Objects
Have you ever heard the adage "One man's trash is another man's treasure"?
Your characters should be able to view the things around them according to their own predilections and personal tastes.
Example: "Oh my! What a hideous vase. I can't believe someone would actually pay money for a monstrosity like that."
"Oh, look at that gorgeous vase! The color will match my curtains perfectly."
Adding small differences in the way your characters view the objects around them will add a sense of realism to your work and bring depth to your characters.
© Copyright Lee Masterson. All Rights Reserved.
Article #2 - Crafting Realistic Dialogue
by Bonnie Way
Dialogue is one of the hardest parts of fiction to write, because it needs to sound real while also performing its job within the story. One task given to dialogue is to reveal more about the personality of each character in the story, by showing how they talk and how they interact with other characters.
Studying examples of fictional dialogue that works can help you develop an ear for how dialogue reveals more about the characters.
Dialect
In the past, writers used phonetic representations of words to convey that a character was speaking with a dialect. However, this made the story very hard to read, because the reader had to go slowly, sounding out each word, and the effect of the dialect got lost.
A much better way to convey dialect is by word choice and order.
Passing by Samaria by Sharon Ewell Foster tells the story of a young black American woman just after World War II. Foster’s dialogue is what makes this novel happen; it is easy to hear the conversations of the black characters, who have a unique lilt that the white characters lack. Foster achieves this without using any phonetic devices.
In the first chapter of the novel, JC is on his way to war and tells his best friend Alena, “You visit my mamma... She’s gonna be lonely for me. She might try to act like she all right, but she gonna be lonely.”
Later he boasts, “This’ll be the war to end all wars. Once we able to prove ourselves, prove the coloured man, the Race, is willing to fight and die for our country, I know things gone change.”
Read those sentences out loud to get the full value of what Foster does with the dialogue. Then look at how the grammar creates the dialect (e.g.., “she all right” instead of “she’s all right,” “things gone change” instead of “things are going to change”).
It’s very easy to picture a confident young black man saying those words. Even if we didn’t know JC’s background, we’d be able to guess it from the way that he talks.
Banter
Everyday conversations contain a lot of useless information, chit chat, and banter that is often meaningless. In fiction, however, that same banter can convey information about our characters and their relationship.
In Robert Whitlow’s legal thriller Higher Hope, the banter between two law students shows the differences in their values and beliefs:
“’Tami prays before she eats,’ Julie said. ‘I told her if she stayed away from pork and shellfish, the blessing is automatic..’
“’Is the pastrami on your sandwich pork-free?’ I asked.
“’Go ahead and pray,’ Julie said.”
From the girl’s banter, we see that Julie is a rather modern, independent woman while Tami is a very conservative Christian. However, we also see that they like each other and enjoy working together, despite their differences. The banter also helps lighten up otherwise serious scenes.
Be wary of using banter for its own sake, however. Whitlow’s exchanges of banter are short and to the point, keeping the story moving forward. It feels like real dialogue, where two people exchange a few verbal spars in the middle of a conversation and then keep talking about whatever had started the conversation.
In Higher Hope, the banter shows how the two law students are able to think quickly on their feet and jab at each other.. Banter could also be used to show how one character is shy or introspective and doesn’t respond to the verbal jibes of another character.
On the more negative side, banter can become verbal abuse if it is very sarcastic or biting.
Attitude
Many writers fall into the trap of using adverb tags, such as “he said gently” or “she said lovingly.” That breaks the writer’s number one rule of “show don’t tell.” It’s much more powerful if the words used by the characters convey those emotions and show their attitudes towards each other.
Rather than saying that a character is belligerent or courteous or snobby, show this through the words that each character uses.
In Betty Jane Hegerat’s novel Running Toward Home, a foster mother and a birth mother are sitting in a car talking about their son. Tina, the birth mother, begins the conversation by asking, “’So, where do you think he is?’
“Wilma’s eyes narrowed. ‘Until we got your phone message, we thought he was with you. Where he’s supposed to be.’
“’Yeah, well he was sick. He shouldn’t have been out at all. I made him phone and tell you to pick him up.’ . . .
“Wilma shook her head. ‘There were no calls from Corey. Not while we were home, and not on the answering machine.’
“What a surprise. Tina raised her arms to lift the hair off the back of her neck. The car was stifling. ‘Well then I guess he lied, didn’t he? How long have you been here?’
“’Only a few minutes,’ Wilma said. ‘I thought this would be a good place to start. Close to the tiger. Corey told me he likes the tigers best.’
“’Yeah, we always have to hang out with the tigers for half the lousy visit.’”
It’s obvious from the dialogue that neither woman likes the other and each is vaguely accusing the other of not giving Corey proper attention. Adding tags like “Wilma said accusingly” or “Tina said rudely” would distract from the story. The reader already knows that simply from the way each character spoke. Again, read the dialogue aloud and see how the words sound.
Good dialogue can carry a story forward, while poor dialogue bogs it down. While reading fiction, take note of places where the dialogue catches your attention and analyze why it works. How did the author reveal more about the characters through what they said?
Because dialogue is also meant to represent the spoken word, read it aloud, whether it’s your own dialogue or someone else’s. Hearing it can help you grasp how it works or where there are inconsistencies. Then use what you’ve discovered to write great dialogue in your own fiction.
And last but not least - Common Mechanical Pitfalls
by Dr. Vicki Hinze
When asked, a group of editors from top publishing houses, responded that the following are the most often seen mechanical errors in works submitted by authors.
By removing these errors from our works, we greatly enhance our potential for publication—and strengthen our writing skills.
* Author Intrusion, Filtering, Passive Voice.
Use the active voice in writing. Avoid weak verbs: "to be" and its variants: was, are, is. This puts the reader on-scene, makes what’s happening, happen now. Author intrusion reminds the reader she’s reading, hence you lose immediacy, empathy between reader/character.
Show, don’t tell applies. Watchwords: thought, wondered, considered, realized, and the like.
Example:
Filtered: She realized she’d breached the point of no return.
She had to kill him.
Unfiltered, no intrusion: The point of no return. She had to kill him.
* Autonomous Body Parts.
Parts of a character’s body cannot act alone. The character must lift her hands, dart her gaze, tiptoe. Otherwise, the visual images created in the reader’s mind are horror. Disconnected body parts shouldn’t move without the character’s body being attached.
Example: Her eyes roamed around the room.
Corrected: She let her gaze roam around the room.
(Eyes shouldn’t roam. Use gaze. Note that she caused this roaming. In this corrected version, her eyes didn’t act autonomously or independent of her.)
* Cause before Effect, Reaction before Action, Syntax Error.
Whatever the reader reads first on the page, happens first in the readers mind. This error occurs when the reaction to something, say fear, is written down before the action causing the fear, say a hissing snake. Or when the effect is shown before the cause prompting that effect.
Watchwords are: when, as, before, during, while, until, after, and since.
To correct this error, simply flip-flop the phrases to be sure you list cause then effect, action then reaction.
* Use of names in dialogue.
When conversing, people don’t often use names. To be clear about who’s speaking, give the character a distinct voice, an outstanding feature, and use action tags. Have character do something with an object and use it to make it clear to the reader who’s talking. This writer’s tool does double duty: tags the speaker and creates an illusion of action. Body language is an extremely effective method.
Avoid: Figure, Frame, and Presence.
This editorial Pet Peeve doesn’t show up as often now as it once did.
Don’t write: He leaned his massive frame against the door.
Do write: He leaned against the door.
A point: When is the last time you saw a hunk and thought: Wow, what a nice frame?
* Separate Actions.
Keep actions separate, otherwise you risk having the character do the physically impossible. "And" can be a wicked abuser of this mechanical infraction.
Example: She called 911 and drove to the hospital.
Can she really do these two things simultaneously? Without a cell phone? More likely, she called 911 and then drove to the hospital. The actions were separate. One followed the other. They didn’t occur simultaneously.
* Keep Items in a Series Parallel.
Make sure your subjects/verbs/syntax are in agreement.
Do: Walk and chew gum.
Don’t: walk and be chewing gum.
* Ellipsis (Series of dots)
Use the ellipsis sparingly. Otherwise, when you need it, it lacks impact. Punctuate it like . . . this. Or at the end of a sentence, like this. . . .
* Unheroic Character Behavior.
Protagonists aren’t like us, they’re people we want to be like: admirable, honorable, considerate, strong, and aspiring—in their thoughts, actions, and deeds. They’re not perfect, but they are admirable. Respect your characters—even your villains. Give everyone a redeeming quality, and make them strong. Anchoring Scenes.
Show the readers where the scene is taking place, where the characters are and what they’re doing. Specific, concrete details immerse the reader. Without them, reader can’t visualize. Use the senses, and use details that are indicative of the characters’ mood at the moment. Write cinematically: using words that form distinct and vivid pictures in the reader’s mind that convey his/her emotional mood at that time. Intensity.
When in intense situations, characters don’t think deeply. They think in short spurts. In fragments. Readers read faster, which imparts a sense of urgency, hence intensity. Point of View.
Today’s trend is third person, multiple viewpoint. That is, a single viewpoint which at specific intervals transitions to a different character. Some experts recommend one viewpoint per scene to avoid losing intensity.
Hint: use the character with the most to lose as your viewpoint character.
Eliminating these mechanical pitfalls from your work greatly enhances your writing skills and gives the editor fewer distractions during the reading. That translates to fewer reasons to reject your work.
© Copyright Vicki Hinze. All Rights Reserved
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Date: 2009-05-31 02:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 03:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 03:32 pm (UTC)http://www.articlesbase.com/fiction-articles/show-dont-tell-what-does-this-writing-rule-mean-406894.html
http://writemuse.com/blog/2009/01/06/fundamentals-of-fiction-show-dont-tell/
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Use-the-Advice---Show,-Dont-Tell-In-Writing-Fiction&id=1440348
The important thing to remember, I think, is that there are times to show and times to tell - it all depends on the scene and what needs to be conveyed.
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Date: 2009-06-01 12:06 pm (UTC)Describing characters is a nightmare! I hate it! I'm determined now to do it almost always through the eyes of another character. That characterizes them too, as well as the person they're looking at.
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Date: 2009-06-01 12:19 pm (UTC)It's kind of a take-off on the "What if" thing - instead of "How do I see this character?" it's "How would X see Y?". Maybe we should introduce that as an exercise over on lousyfic. ;-)
And yes - I swear I'll have the new topic up over there this week! (Have to before my son gets here for a week and I have NO TIME at all!) :D