ostarella: (Thoughts)
Well, today being Memorial Day I've done my usual maudlin reminiscing... my brother Rex has been gone 27 years (brain cancer), my dad 17 years (cancer that went to his brain), my mom 7 (massive stroke)... see the pattern? I did, a long time ago. I figure someone in the family has 3 years left. Odds are on my sister, who's morbidly obese and has health problems up the ass because of it. Next best bet would probably be me, just because of the heart thing. My two remaining brothers are probably evenly matched - the one's older age pitted against the other's being badly out of shape. But my money's on my sister.

Does that sound cold? Hmm. Probably does. Oh well. Maybe the pattern will be broken.

But it does make me wonder, at times. If it isn't her, but me instead - what should I do between now and the fateful 2013? Obviously, spend more time with my son and brother. And try to get the house and yard in order. My legacy to the family ;-) But that's it as far as the practical. The only other things I'd want to do before I die would be get my camper and travel as far and wide as I could. And get published - even if just a small literary magazine. Just to be able to say "published author" in my obit LOL Oh and maybe have some really good sex. That would be nice. :p

But otherwise, I'm not sure what I'd want to do. I mean, what else is there? I have no "great purpose" in life, not any more. My son's grown up and turned out to be the kind of man I wanted him to be, for the most part. My job there is finished - oh sure, he comes to me for advice now and then, but he's typically figured out what to do already and most of the time he's on the ball with that.

So yeah, I'm at the stage where, although there are people who want me around, there's no necessity for me to be here. The regrets about what I did or didn't do before I die - well, I have them already and there's nothing I can do to change them, so whenever I kick the bucket that wouldn't matter.

Maybe my problem with "what would I do?" just stems from the fact that I've been, well, not "waiting" for death to come, but looking forward to it. Like most people look forward to retirement. To die will be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan said that.

Well, this was depressing, wasn't it? Actually, not really. I don't feel depressed at all. Quite tranquil, really. Visiting the cemeteries to put the bouquets out, thinking about my family... just walking around the yard on a beautiful day like today... A bit sad, but not really.

Ah well. I'll just go along, living day by day as I always do, and see what happens three years from now. I think I'd only really want to have talked to my son and brother before I died - like, within a few days. Just so I can say "Love you!".

But - I'm still putting my money on my sister...
ostarella: (Thoughts)
Well, today being Memorial Day I've done my usual maudlin reminiscing... my brother Rex has been gone 27 years (brain cancer), my dad 17 years (cancer that went to his brain), my mom 7 (massive stroke)... see the pattern? I did, a long time ago. I figure someone in the family has 3 years left. Odds are on my sister, who's morbidly obese and has health problems up the ass because of it. Next best bet would probably be me, just because of the heart thing. My two remaining brothers are probably evenly matched - the one's older age pitted against the other's being badly out of shape. But my money's on my sister.

Does that sound cold? Hmm. Probably does. Oh well. Maybe the pattern will be broken.

But it does make me wonder, at times. If it isn't her, but me instead - what should I do between now and the fateful 2013? Obviously, spend more time with my son and brother. And try to get the house and yard in order. My legacy to the family ;-) But that's it as far as the practical. The only other things I'd want to do before I die would be get my camper and travel as far and wide as I could. And get published - even if just a small literary magazine. Just to be able to say "published author" in my obit LOL Oh and maybe have some really good sex. That would be nice. :p

But otherwise, I'm not sure what I'd want to do. I mean, what else is there? I have no "great purpose" in life, not any more. My son's grown up and turned out to be the kind of man I wanted him to be, for the most part. My job there is finished - oh sure, he comes to me for advice now and then, but he's typically figured out what to do already and most of the time he's on the ball with that.

So yeah, I'm at the stage where, although there are people who want me around, there's no necessity for me to be here. The regrets about what I did or didn't do before I die - well, I have them already and there's nothing I can do to change them, so whenever I kick the bucket that wouldn't matter.

Maybe my problem with "what would I do?" just stems from the fact that I've been, well, not "waiting" for death to come, but looking forward to it. Like most people look forward to retirement. To die will be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan said that.

Well, this was depressing, wasn't it? Actually, not really. I don't feel depressed at all. Quite tranquil, really. Visiting the cemeteries to put the bouquets out, thinking about my family... just walking around the yard on a beautiful day like today... A bit sad, but not really.

Ah well. I'll just go along, living day by day as I always do, and see what happens three years from now. I think I'd only really want to have talked to my son and brother before I died - like, within a few days. Just so I can say "Love you!".

But - I'm still putting my money on my sister...
ostarella: (Smiles)






Brother Blaise
     Brother Rex      Dad

Brother - Marines                           Brother - Air Force                         Dad - Army

ostarella: (Smiles)






Brother Blaise
     Brother Rex      Dad

Brother - Marines                           Brother - Air Force                         Dad - Army

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