ostarella: (Default)
Sleep, that is. Over the last 24 hours, I slept for all but about five of them. I could not stay awake. I'd get up for a bit, do some wandering over the internet, and then find my eyes closing. Finally woke up about 7:30 this morning and actually felt like I was fully awake. I guess all the stresses of the last few weeks/months caught up with me. I know I feel much more clear-headed than I've felt for a long, long time. Which has allowed me to think about a variety of things and come to terms with them. I also need to make some hard decisions about where my life is and where I want it to go. I know there are going to be things happening that I won't like and that will be hard to deal with - but I used to be able to deal with those and now I'm going to have to pull myself up and do that again. There are also things I've wanted to do but have felt like doing them was either out of reach or out of my control - and now I know I have to look hard at them, decide if I really, truly, want to do them - and if so, start figuring out how to get them. Take them out of the "wishful thinking" realm and put them firmly into reality.

Ironically, I think it's been the things that have been out of my control that made me realize that I need to firmly take control of the other things, not think that life as a whole is spinning on its own axis and I'm just along for the (hell)ride.

I should sleep for a day more often, I guess.
ostarella: (Default)
Sleep, that is. Over the last 24 hours, I slept for all but about five of them. I could not stay awake. I'd get up for a bit, do some wandering over the internet, and then find my eyes closing. Finally woke up about 7:30 this morning and actually felt like I was fully awake. I guess all the stresses of the last few weeks/months caught up with me. I know I feel much more clear-headed than I've felt for a long, long time. Which has allowed me to think about a variety of things and come to terms with them. I also need to make some hard decisions about where my life is and where I want it to go. I know there are going to be things happening that I won't like and that will be hard to deal with - but I used to be able to deal with those and now I'm going to have to pull myself up and do that again. There are also things I've wanted to do but have felt like doing them was either out of reach or out of my control - and now I know I have to look hard at them, decide if I really, truly, want to do them - and if so, start figuring out how to get them. Take them out of the "wishful thinking" realm and put them firmly into reality.

Ironically, I think it's been the things that have been out of my control that made me realize that I need to firmly take control of the other things, not think that life as a whole is spinning on its own axis and I'm just along for the (hell)ride.

I should sleep for a day more often, I guess.

Minor rant

Feb. 10th, 2010 06:40 pm
ostarella: (Excuse me)
Is it just me, or does anyone else hate it when companies we deal with make changes they think are so neat! and force us into them? Like my stupid ISP and it's web hosting fiasco. What ticked me off today is Google's "buzz". I didn't know what it was, to begin with, have only a basic understanding of it after reading through numerous "isn't this great!?" info sites by Google, but frankly, if I want to share something with someone, I know how to do that without some company deciding for me, thank you very much. But mainly I just resent it when these things get added automatically, without giving me a choice or even warning me, and then I have to turn cartwheels to find out how to get rid of it.

I think, frankly, it's the paternalistic attitude that really grinds on my nerves. Too many people, governments, businesses, and entities in general are making decisions on my behalf because they think it will make my life better/easier and most of the time it does just the opposite.

Gawd, am I in a bitchy mood today or what? Cabin fever. Gotta be...

Minor rant

Feb. 10th, 2010 06:40 pm
ostarella: (Excuse me)
Is it just me, or does anyone else hate it when companies we deal with make changes they think are so neat! and force us into them? Like my stupid ISP and it's web hosting fiasco. What ticked me off today is Google's "buzz". I didn't know what it was, to begin with, have only a basic understanding of it after reading through numerous "isn't this great!?" info sites by Google, but frankly, if I want to share something with someone, I know how to do that without some company deciding for me, thank you very much. But mainly I just resent it when these things get added automatically, without giving me a choice or even warning me, and then I have to turn cartwheels to find out how to get rid of it.

I think, frankly, it's the paternalistic attitude that really grinds on my nerves. Too many people, governments, businesses, and entities in general are making decisions on my behalf because they think it will make my life better/easier and most of the time it does just the opposite.

Gawd, am I in a bitchy mood today or what? Cabin fever. Gotta be...

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